Saving Miss Oliver’s

 If you have been following this blog recently, you might have read two posts proposing that one of the graduation requirements of schools and colleges should be the proven ability to engage in respectful discourse with those with whom we disagree on fundamental issues; and a consequent openness to the possibility of changing one’s position. I have believed this for a long time, but a recent experience which I suspect is typical for many of us convinced me even more.

I was engaged in a far ranging conversation with dear friends with whom I feel free to express my opinions. It was a  lively, complex, provocative discussion- until when it happened on the subject of abortion, it was abruptly aborted.  In the same room where we had been trading ideas, dealing in nuance, re-arranging our beliefs, there was suddenly only one permissible position. Every other position was excoriated and dismissed. Conversation over. Nothing new learned. Intellect trumped by emotion.   

What is telling about this experience is that even though we were not challenging each other’s beliefs (We were and still are ardently pro-choice) it was not permissible to explore the reasons why so many people ardently disagree with us. 

                After re-affirming my pro-choice stance, I started to point out that one does not have to be crazy or even slightly illogical to understand that if I abort a fetus I remove the actuarial probability of that fetus’ living as a human individual person for a given length of time – as accurate a definition of killing as most – and that we who are pro choice would be wise to respect that concern and understand that for some it carries heavier weight than the concern for choice. But I never got the words out, because I don’t try to keep on talking when everybody is shaking his or her head as if I were crazy. So the conversation ended right there.

                And we are friends. We care for each other! If friends can’t discuss profound issues with each other, who can?